Fat and Lazy

In the last 6 months I have gone from chubby to downright fat, the evenings I spend visiting with family and watching tv. Yes I have food issues and yes I have illnesses, but in the past I have always been able to keep myself on the chubby side and avoid becoming obese. I can only manage weight with diet on a temporary basis, every “diet” becomes emotionally traumatic after any period of time. I have cut down on things like fried foods, empty calorie snacking, and cooking with a lot of butter, while at the same time not forbidding myself any of those things. I keep thinking I should join a gym again…or what I really want is a jawbone pedometer that will keep track of my steps with an app. It will also count calories.

I want the jawbone as if all I need is incentive and I will start walking laps around the neighborhood. I want it as if all I need is little hints to suddenly have a “healthy” life style. Hey, maybe I will even get some little dumbbells to wrap my aching fingers around and swing back and forth while I walk. Everyone walks…walking is easy! I know if I could just find the energy to get down to Best Buy and buy the little jawbone I will suddenly have limitless energy. In my head its my magic little pill to a slim body, to endless energy…to not feeling like my legs are being smashed with hammers with each step I take. I have a friend who on her day off spends the day cooking for the whole week. I might do that too if I can find a day off besides the one I spend in bed. Maybe not a weeks worth of cooking, but a big pot of greens and a pan of fried rice might get me through the days I grab fast food on the way to work because I woke up already with limited energy. I am sure there are things I can do that are reasonable. Instead I crave a little black bracelet that will constantly be reminding me of how lazy and weak I am. Days like today I should focus on being grateful I can walk. But since I can’t spend the day in bed anyways if I can find the strength and energy to drive to Best Buy and walk into the store..I might have to get myself a Jawbone, so I can start feeling like I am on the road to health again..instead of this road…

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1 Comment

Filed under exercising with illness, exhuastion, Pain, Psoriatic Arthritis

One response to “Fat and Lazy

  1. We’re not always in full control of what life throws our way. We all have things we wish had a slightly different course. But, I hope you know, each and every moment, no matter what may be getting you down, you are loved each and every moment. There is no moment I would want altered, no moment, where I wish an alternate timeline was followed. Moods, emotions, states of being, they all come and go, but the real you is always present, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, always and forever, love has no end.

    -Husband

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