When I am feeling well I feel invincible. It’s hard for me to remember when my last flare up was, even if it was a week ago. Its hard to remember I can’t plan camping trips a month out with any definite confidence, or that I probably shouldn’t plan a road trip alone.
The flip side of that is when a flare up hits it hits hard, not just my body, but my confidence and spirit. It whammys my hopes and dreams and self confidence. When its hard to get through a quiet day, then there is no hope for visiting with friends in the evening, or even joining my family for dinner. I can go into a rather morbid depression if I don’t keep my mind busy.
The great thing is, when I am feeling well, I just don’t think about that much. Sure the fear of it creeps up on me all the time, but I can spend my healthy days smiling, and creating, and making big big plans, and getting as much work done as possible so when the illness does hit me hard, I won’t get too far behind.
Today is a good day. I am going to spend the rest of it acting like I have never been ill and will never be ill again. It’s not a bad way to live.
Today I woke with one of the worst migraines of my life. I did try some st johns wort for the first time last night and started some herbal hormone balances two days ago but since it was my third day waking with a migraine I not ready to blame either of those. It’s currently red which is not quite drivable but will follow my doctors advice of chasing the Meds down with lots of coffee and see I I can get it down to an ugly orange so I can get to work. Down with migraines everywhere.
A few days ago I said I had to blog about how good I was feeling. The problem is, when I am feeling really good I am too busy to blog. I am working, planning parties and events and hosting them, going out with friends, taking morning walks, going to meetings. That is how the majority of my last few weeks have been. A few migraines thrown in, a night of over doing it so I could hardly walk, but mostly its been great.
Its only when my pain gets really bad that I actually take the time to blog. I woke at 3ish am with a mean red migraine that bordered on violet. After two excedrine and a few hours its now just red. I recently took an imetrix and can feel the poison of it coursing through my body. I absolutely hate imitrex but will take it when I have to teach on a mean red day. Got to be 100% for the babies. I can’t take the imitrex shots at all but even the pill hurts. I can literally feel in as pain going through my veins, in every finger and limb, across my cheeks. I suppose I should welcome that pain as it means the meds are probably going to work, but I don’t. I dread it. I don’t know if this is a common reaction to Imitrex of if just my sensitivity to absolutely everything makes me feel the pain that more intensely.
I am going to try to focus on how well I will be feeling for my class this afternoon, and think about how tomorrow I am going to wake up feeling perfect and ready for a walk with my new friend in Fallbrook.
I have been feeling well but I haven’t been sleeping well. Most nights lately I am getting 2-4 hours of sleep and usually with my condition I need about 8 to make it through the next day. My health has been holding steady in spite of it, but I am starting to fear a big crashing flare up. I have Remicade on Monday and I am sure I will sleep then, as the meds put me out for the most part of 24 hours. Not sure what is keeping me from sleep, some migraines yes, but also an unsettled feeling of something just not being right, maybe exasperated by the early symptoms of menopause.
Still life is good, my healthy streak is holding, and feeling loved by good friends lately. Thank you universe for a great weekend at the gallery and a lovely visit with distant counsins and from out of town and family and support and love found in unexpected places.
This morning I woke up with a rib dislocated again, no big deal really. It was pinching a few nerves and really just a reminder of how lucky I have been that they haven’t been going out much in a couple of months. My goal was to go to the gallery, maybe socialize a bit while there, get some painting done, and some cleaning.
I had gotten several high blood pressure readings, which is new for me, so I was put on a lower salt diet, which is easy to do when you eat a TON of salt. I basically cut out fast food and salty snacks, and tried to use salt free butter and season with salt moderately. I was also told to try to walk twice a week, which I think I did for two weeks and then had an arthritis flare up hit. Great news is my doctor said I now have the blood pressure of a 20 year old and she is pretty sure it was just elevated due to stress or maybe as a side effect of medication. (it was noted as elevated during infusions).
Other good news is she is trying me out on oral imiterex, since I am allergic to the injection one, and also adding prescription strength Motrin, to see if that can help me manage my migraines a bit more. She also told me I can take as many as three Maxalts a day, which I didn’t realize.
My arthritis seems to be doing quite well right now. I haven’t had to take Aleve in a week or so, and I am limping a lot less. I think the warm dry weather really is good for me. I suppose I wouldn’t mind at all living the rest of my life in Southern California or Arizona. I think I would be happier homeless in California than in a palace in Kansas or Alaska.
I tend to blog mostly when I am feeling good enough to get around, but still have something to complain about. This is just a post to say I am loving life. Its such a treasure to have a moderate amount of health. Peace and happiness to you all, remember when nothing else seems like its worth it, to go outside and listen to the birds singing, I have heard the songs of birds can save your life.