The week before my infusion is often a bit rough. I tend to limp a bit more, fall down more often, and want to linger in bed and just turn on the TV and zone out.
This week was no different except I had a busy week planned with meetings, class and volunteer work and getting a commission done by deadline. I still managed to spend some time having coffee with friends, spent some quality time with my daughter and went dancing as well. I have learned that those are the things to always find time for. I took it easy dancing this week, sitting out half the lesson, visiting instead of dancing, going home early. I find its better for my head to do that when my body is yelling at me rather than skip dancing all together.
Yesterday plans changed a bit. I had a fund raising event for Liver Disease first thing in the morning. I was solo setting up my space which on a good day is hard to do. Unloading a whole galleries worth of art out of my car, setting up the canopy (which I did have help with), and tables and easels. It always has worn me out to some degree even when I am not in pain. By 10 am yesterday I knew I was in trouble. The wind had kicked up and my paintings were blowing all over. I was literally pummeled by my own paintings. People ran to help me out. 10 minutes later the same disaster. By noon I knew I was in trouble, because my paintings were half on the ground and I just didn’t care. I didn’t have the strength to pick them back up. I made a texts of “please come save me”. And they did. By 2 pm the cavalry had arrived. My good friend Randal, my husband and my son all showed up and helped me pack up my car. I would still probably be there trying to clean up if they hadn’t shown up.
By the time I got home my legs were buckling under me, and every step was excruciating. I got some help walking to bed and lay down about an hour. Then it was time to go to Costco to get supplies for Halloween. Shopping carts make excellent walkers if you don’t know. While I was at Costco someone said to me, “the worst part of pain is not knowing what it is, (which I agree has a lot of truth to it) if it were me I would just work through the pain”. I smiled and continued shopping with my walker. Went back to bed when I got home and was kept company by facebook and the tv set, two of my most loyal companions when I am not feeling well. I went to girls night in, which is a wonderful invention where a few friends go bring dinner to a bed ridden friend. I crawl in bed with her and the other girls sit at the end of the bed and we have the best time. I had to call for a ride yesterday, and also get help walking. At least in front of these girls I don’t have to explain or feel embarrassed, they just accept me.
Last night after medication that numbed my brain, I still had trouble sleeping…the pressure of my own body against the bed made it impossible to get comfortable.
Yesterday I did a charity show, an errand with my family, and visited with girl friends. Lifting my phone felt like lifting a barbell with a broken arm, every step I knew I could suddenly be face to face with the pavement, and I could feel pain in a hundred different locations in my body. Pain can really create body awareness, you think wow, I didn’t know there were so many places in one foot to feel pain. Yes, I also turned on my tv more than once and just stared at it. I also took medication, but I did work through the pain. I do work through the pain every single day. We all do. Anyone who is in chronic pain works through the pain. Even if they stay in bed ALL day EVERY day, keep company by just Facebook and the TV set. Just living with chronic pain is working through the pain. Every day someone with chronic pain wakes up and makes it through the time its time to go to sleep again is a fighter. They should be congratulating themselves each day. Yay! You made it. Yay, I made it! And I am going to make it through today too. How about you?