I have some friends, usually the spiritual sort who’s reaction to my illness is an immediate “oh, I wonder what childhood trauma you have not worth through is causing this” or “you just don’t have enough faith that you are healthy, if you truly believed you are healthy, you wouldn’t have these pain issues.
It doesn’t help the pain go away to hear this. I am suddenly not thriving with energy. I do have a good attitude. I am grateful for the times when I feel “normal” and grateful that I can still live a full life, grabbing days and moments as they come.
When I hear this it makes me feel awful. I feel weak, unevolved mentally and spiritually, and even guilty for “allowing” myself to be sick. If I follow that line down then I am also guilty for being a burden to others, guilty of wasting money on healthcare and eating healthy, and for not getting done all the stuff I would be able to if I just had the faith enough to not feel the pain and limitations of my illness.
Its hard for those with chronic illness to smile when we physically feel miserable, but so many of us do. Making us feel guilty that we are sick doesn’t make us feel good. To me it is like a religious person saying that if only you had faith in their god you wouldn’t be sick. Its not helpful, and even though I know it comes from a kind place, its not kind.