Living with Abandon

A while ago out to lunch, a friend was complaining about their sick roommate, who seemed to be sick only when convenient, because this person when felling well did things like went out to the movies or out to dinner, sometimes even choosing getting dressed up to go to dinner instead of doing the dishes or some other important chore. I was wondering what this person could possibly think of me.

I will make travel plans when I feel a little better, fingers crossed that I will feel okay for the trip.  If I have a good day I will leave my home without consideration for chores, and go for a short hike, visit a friend I have been missing for months, or do something else that I haven’t been able to do for some time.  I know I will probably pay the price and not feel great the next day, maybe I will feel miserable even, but there was a good chance I was going to feel miserable anyways. This is how I live.  I could make the choice to stay in bed all the time, I don’t hurt too much when I do that, but I don’t HAVE to do that, and I would rather live with more pain and more activity and fun.

Last night I went dancing.  It was the first time in years.  I took it easy but still had a great time dancing a few dances as well as the easy lesson.  I slept in until 10 am and felt like I had been run over by a truck.  That was all fine.  I had a bite to eat out, and got mildly gluten poisoned for the sauce I think, and got sick immediately, and passed out for several hours. Woke up feeling miserable an hour late for an art opening I had to be at.  I quickly got dressed and crawled out the door and made it to the opening feeling like a half stepped on slug.  I wound up finding a sofa to curl up on and staying there during the whole of my visit at the opening and leaving early.  But I made it.  Then I went home and back to bed.  I live life.  It may not be the life I used to live, or the life others live, but it’s a wonderful life.  I won’t let other people’s judgement make me feel guilty about living fully on my good days.  I hope you won’t either.

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