In the last 6 months I have gone from chubby to downright fat, the evenings I spend visiting with family and watching tv. Yes I have food issues and yes I have illnesses, but in the past I have always been able to keep myself on the chubby side and avoid becoming obese. I can only manage weight with diet on a temporary basis, every “diet” becomes emotionally traumatic after any period of time. I have cut down on things like fried foods, empty calorie snacking, and cooking with a lot of butter, while at the same time not forbidding myself any of those things. I keep thinking I should join a gym again…or what I really want is a jawbone pedometer that will keep track of my steps with an app. It will also count calories.
I want the jawbone as if all I need is incentive and I will start walking laps around the neighborhood. I want it as if all I need is little hints to suddenly have a “healthy” life style. Hey, maybe I will even get some little dumbbells to wrap my aching fingers around and swing back and forth while I walk. Everyone walks…walking is easy! I know if I could just find the energy to get down to Best Buy and buy the little jawbone I will suddenly have limitless energy. In my head its my magic little pill to a slim body, to endless energy…to not feeling like my legs are being smashed with hammers with each step I take. I have a friend who on her day off spends the day cooking for the whole week. I might do that too if I can find a day off besides the one I spend in bed. Maybe not a weeks worth of cooking, but a big pot of greens and a pan of fried rice might get me through the days I grab fast food on the way to work because I woke up already with limited energy. I am sure there are things I can do that are reasonable. Instead I crave a little black bracelet that will constantly be reminding me of how lazy and weak I am. Days like today I should focus on being grateful I can walk. But since I can’t spend the day in bed anyways if I can find the strength and energy to drive to Best Buy and walk into the store..I might have to get myself a Jawbone, so I can start feeling like I am on the road to health again..instead of this road…
I had a doctors appointment Monday and the doctor recommended that we move the Remicade to every 6 weeks instead of every 8 weeks. Its a hassle because not only do I have to sit there for hours, but its hours away. Plus I fall asleep for about 24 hours after, and am rather out of it in a druggy haze for a couple of days. The worst part is since the premeds knock me out so hard there is no way I can drive myself. So I need to ask someone else to spend an entire day driving me around, and waiting for hours at the local Starbucks.
But if I am going to go through the hassle and side effects of this medication, I certainly want it to work. So I agreed with minimum complaining. I did feel so good after the last Remicade infusion, and the more often I have it, the more likely I am to have days like that.
I have pretty good insurance, but my doctor says the reason I have to drive all the way to Redlands is because no place closer to me will take Regal Health Care. His Corona office IS a cancer center and does chemotherapy off all sorts but Regal doesn’t pay them enough for them to accept it. I guess I am lucky there is someplace I can get the medication, and with a reasonable co-pay. If I had no insurance I can’t imagine the pain I would be in daily.
peI hate to exercise. I don’t see the point in running if nothing is chasing me. I have never liked to run. I love to dance but there is very little chance for dance out here in what still feels the middle of nowhere. I have always disliked exercise for exercise sake. Make it fun like fencing, dance or yoga sure, I will do that. I love all sorts of that sort of “sport”. Exercising now is harder because it hurts. It just hurts. And not that good kind of muscle burn that you feel working out that lets you know you are getting healthier and stronger, but a bad hurt. The kind of hurt that says if you will probably be in bed the next couple of days. Then there are classes. Yoga classes and dance aerobic classes that are just disastrous for people with limited energy. 10 minutes into the class you know you need to quit, but you are too embarrassed to leave, so you wind up leaving anyways after 30 minutes and spending the next two days in bed. Then there are silver sneaker programs for elderly. You can watch elderly people run circles around you, hollering things like “keep up young lady” and “is that all you can lift, grab some real weights”. Hopefully you can sneak out before anyone starts talking about their bowels.
I think I have found a solution that might work for me. While flipping channels in a bit of a vegetative mood I came across an older woman with a ballerina’s body. She was doing stretches simalar to what I used to do for warm up in my ballet classes. She mixed it with some yoga and other dance like movements. Next thing I new I was standing up, doing two or three movements of each exercise. I hit “record series” on my TV.
After such a good weekend I decided to start her exercise videos in the morning when I am feeling my best. Yesterday I probably did 6 minutes. Today it was more like 4. When it start to really hurt and my muscled refused to work I gave up. But only for today. I will find the name of this stretch program and post it. Its on PBS in the early morning. I will also mention my progress with it on my daily health journal.
I would love to hear other ways people with arthritis or other chronic pain illnesses stay fit.